After spending another satisfying day ridding a kindergarten's playground of pigeons with your Andy Roddick style super overhead slam shot, treating yourself to a meal at Giuseppe Wong's Hunan Ristorante was just what the doctor ordered. As you finish the last of your tea, the waiter drops your bill and a complimentary fortune cannoli. It's longer than you've ever seen a fortune cannoli, but damned if you don't still try to clear the shell of filling with the traditional single suck. Retrieving the 8 inch long strip of paper from your throat, you lean in to see your fortune. Oh! It's a coded message! Perhaps Esperanza has finally forgiven you and wants to rejoin the resistance's robot sex club! Can you decrypt the fortune!?
Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: H equals U.
"MKHDLXC/ NU/ ZNMQNPX/ IKHD/ RNPXCDU/ LRJCD/ CLJNPX/ L/ MENZN/ TKX/ KP/ JEC/ JKNZCJ."/
- ECPDI/ TLFNT/ JEKDCLH
The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.
Last week's answer:
"Saying you're a gypsy at heart is a great way to avoid saying you're just incredibly irresponsible."- Tenzin Gyatso, The Dalai Lama
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Chris Gaines Dating Miley Cyrus
Destiny "Miley 'Hannah Montana' " Cyrus(18) has been seen locking lips around Los Angeles with fictional rocker Chris Gaines(49). Can bathroom sex at Spago be far behind?
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Sunday Cipher #16 - Sammy the Whale's Dilemma
Sammy the Whale has a whale of a problem! His fiancée just came back from Baseball Fantasy Camp. While she was there Carol(that's Sammy's fiancée's name, and yes she's also a whale) left a drunken voice-mail that gave Sammy the distinct impression that she had just slept with one of the other campers. She didn't say anything definite, but he's pretty sure she screwed some guy from Tampa. Should Sammy sit down with Carol and try to get to the bottom of this in a calm manner, or should he tell her about getting loaded and nailing her sister Margaret when Carol was in the hospital six years ago having ovarian cysts removed? Help Sammy solve the code below and save his marriage?
Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: K equals Q.
"N/ DFZG/ SY/ TNUA/ UAG/ NXGF/ LBV/ UAG/ FKSFPSOC/ BOG/ XFQ/ FW/ N/ TFW/ ABPXNOC/ F/ MSVPFY/ WFDE/ BL/ ENUUGOW/ SOXGV/ UAG/ TFUGV./ N/ UABSCAU/ BL/ F/ TFQ/ N/ DBSPX/ PNJG/ SOXGVTFUGV/ TANPG/ UAGWG/ ENUUGOW/ XNGX/ WB/ GFWNPQ."/
- HFDKSGW/ DBSWUGFS
The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.
Last week's answer:
"There was a little misunderstanding with that whole 'Emancipation Proclamation' thing. It was supposed to be a couple days off to say 'thanks', then straight back to the grindstone. They all seemed so happy I didn't have the heart to correct the error." - Abraham Lincoln
Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: K equals Q.
"N/ DFZG/ SY/ TNUA/ UAG/ NXGF/ LBV/ UAG/ FKSFPSOC/ BOG/ XFQ/ FW/ N/ TFW/ ABPXNOC/ F/ MSVPFY/ WFDE/ BL/ ENUUGOW/ SOXGV/ UAG/ TFUGV./ N/ UABSCAU/ BL/ F/ TFQ/ N/ DBSPX/ PNJG/ SOXGVTFUGV/ TANPG/ UAGWG/ ENUUGOW/ XNGX/ WB/ GFWNPQ."/
- HFDKSGW/ DBSWUGFS
The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.
Last week's answer:
"There was a little misunderstanding with that whole 'Emancipation Proclamation' thing. It was supposed to be a couple days off to say 'thanks', then straight back to the grindstone. They all seemed so happy I didn't have the heart to correct the error." - Abraham Lincoln
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Pulling a Mussel
I really just don't get this ad. I mean, I get all the constituent parts; I simply don't get the ad as a whole. Or maybe I just hate it.
There's a lot I do get about this ad:
I can easily find the name of the restaurant. I see the location. I see the phone number, the website, days it is open, and also the hours for brunch. If I look at the disgusting drawing, I can even tell that there may be some sort of special on mussels and fries. This is where things start to get a little iffy. There is no price for their special, so it may not even be a good deal, but it's available.
There is a lot about this ad I understand, but so, so much more I don't get. What exactly is the Mussel special? I assume that this is an ad for a dinner special. You don't generally see The Burger King just shouting "4 ounce Burger! Several sizes of fries!" so I assume there is some sort of special pricing for 2 Pound Mussels that possibly come with unlimited fries.
Now that I think about it though, the Burger King thing doesn't work as an analogy because I doubt (and really hope) that these degenerates aren't the Le Central mascots. I guess a better comparison would be if Pizza Hut had a crappy drawing of a gay couple bare-backing in a bathroom stall and shouting "3 Pound pizza! Also wings."
You can't tell, but these guys met like 20 minutes ago
and that guy is totally not wearing a condom
Those are some huge-ass mussels, too. 2 pound mussels must be expensive. Maybe the pricing changes constantly with the market. Many seafoods are at "market price" and change daily. Perhaps they should have mentioned that in the ad.
That disgusting drawing is the biggest problem. I mean, Jesus, why is that thing there? It's awful. I realize French cuisine is supposed to be sensual and people are always making some vulgar comparison between bivalves and vulvae, but just a crude drawing of people doin' it? Are these people actually shouting "2 Pound Mussels! Unlimited Fries [No exclamation point. evidently they were mostly pumped about the mussels and then calmed down and just sort of said blandly 'Unlimited Fries']" during intercourse? Were they discussing dinner mid-coitus and that bargain just made them shout? Were they starting to climax and instead of stopping the talk about where to get a good deal on seafood they just yelled it? And are they toasting with wine while this is going on? What are they toasting? The savings? God, it's distasteful. There's all that sweat flying off of them... and she's still clothed...
And what the hell are they lying on? I really can't tell. It looks very thin, like they're precariously balanced on this pile of rolled-up striped blankets that's about 18 inches wide.It kind of looks like they're doing it on the top of a sofa back. Like carpet cleaners just finished and they're stuck on the couch for an hour while it dries. They were stranded on the couch like kids playing the carpet-is-lava game and saw another, wholly different ad for Le Central's Mussels and Fries deal (that presumably included the price) and had to fuck immediately. I don't know why they didn't use the main part of the couch. Maybe there's a bunch of magazines all over it and they don't want them to stick to their obviously dewy flesh. It would leave those weird reverse image ink marks all over their backs. And what the hell is that behind his pillow?
It's clearly made of his flesh. It's so meaty i want it to be part of his lower body, like a third gross thigh something, but that makes it even worse because that means it's really loooong.
And what's wrong with their teeth? Have they been eating the mussels shell-on? I'm pretty sure people who have teeth like that and fuck on couch backs don't go out for fancy French cuisine. They refill their tiny wine glasses from the jug of Carlo Rossi on the floor and then go fuck in the cluttered laundry room while a filthy dog barks at them through the back door. And they love that shit.
I'm still really bothered by that flesh-roll behind his head.
And seriously, why are they advertising a nebulous dinner special with this horrible drawing of people screwing? I'm really not happy about this whole thing.
Cheers.
There's a lot I do get about this ad:
I can easily find the name of the restaurant. I see the location. I see the phone number, the website, days it is open, and also the hours for brunch. If I look at the disgusting drawing, I can even tell that there may be some sort of special on mussels and fries. This is where things start to get a little iffy. There is no price for their special, so it may not even be a good deal, but it's available.
There is a lot about this ad I understand, but so, so much more I don't get. What exactly is the Mussel special? I assume that this is an ad for a dinner special. You don't generally see The Burger King just shouting "4 ounce Burger! Several sizes of fries!" so I assume there is some sort of special pricing for 2 Pound Mussels that possibly come with unlimited fries.
Now that I think about it though, the Burger King thing doesn't work as an analogy because I doubt (and really hope) that these degenerates aren't the Le Central mascots. I guess a better comparison would be if Pizza Hut had a crappy drawing of a gay couple bare-backing in a bathroom stall and shouting "3 Pound pizza! Also wings."
You can't tell, but these guys met like 20 minutes agoand that guy is totally not wearing a condom
Those are some huge-ass mussels, too. 2 pound mussels must be expensive. Maybe the pricing changes constantly with the market. Many seafoods are at "market price" and change daily. Perhaps they should have mentioned that in the ad.
That disgusting drawing is the biggest problem. I mean, Jesus, why is that thing there? It's awful. I realize French cuisine is supposed to be sensual and people are always making some vulgar comparison between bivalves and vulvae, but just a crude drawing of people doin' it? Are these people actually shouting "2 Pound Mussels! Unlimited Fries [No exclamation point. evidently they were mostly pumped about the mussels and then calmed down and just sort of said blandly 'Unlimited Fries']" during intercourse? Were they discussing dinner mid-coitus and that bargain just made them shout? Were they starting to climax and instead of stopping the talk about where to get a good deal on seafood they just yelled it? And are they toasting with wine while this is going on? What are they toasting? The savings? God, it's distasteful. There's all that sweat flying off of them... and she's still clothed...
And what the hell are they lying on? I really can't tell. It looks very thin, like they're precariously balanced on this pile of rolled-up striped blankets that's about 18 inches wide.It kind of looks like they're doing it on the top of a sofa back. Like carpet cleaners just finished and they're stuck on the couch for an hour while it dries. They were stranded on the couch like kids playing the carpet-is-lava game and saw another, wholly different ad for Le Central's Mussels and Fries deal (that presumably included the price) and had to fuck immediately. I don't know why they didn't use the main part of the couch. Maybe there's a bunch of magazines all over it and they don't want them to stick to their obviously dewy flesh. It would leave those weird reverse image ink marks all over their backs. And what the hell is that behind his pillow?
It's clearly made of his flesh. It's so meaty i want it to be part of his lower body, like a third gross thigh something, but that makes it even worse because that means it's really loooong.
And what's wrong with their teeth? Have they been eating the mussels shell-on? I'm pretty sure people who have teeth like that and fuck on couch backs don't go out for fancy French cuisine. They refill their tiny wine glasses from the jug of Carlo Rossi on the floor and then go fuck in the cluttered laundry room while a filthy dog barks at them through the back door. And they love that shit.
I'm still really bothered by that flesh-roll behind his head.
And seriously, why are they advertising a nebulous dinner special with this horrible drawing of people screwing? I'm really not happy about this whole thing.
Cheers.
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