Sunday Cipher #45 - Operator The Dyslexic Telegraph

Well, what did you expect? Can you figure out the dyslexic telegraph operator's message before Aslan picks up his formal mane from the cleaner's?

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: H equals F.

Note: The first period in this cipher is not a full stop, but a dot for an abbreviation. There is also an umlaut somewhere in this week's puzzle!

"DU/ NVWRS/ VZEQS/ RWEQZB/ LVZG,/ EHSZQ/ 175/ UZEQR,/ DQ./ DYBWGETB/ HFGETTU/ HWXGB/ SVZ/ WQFNFGET/ TUQFYR/ SW/ 'HXQ/ ZTFRZ'."/
- (NVWRS)/ TXBLFN/ IEG/ CZZSVWIZG

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"So this harness can lift an entire horse off the ground just so you can put pants on it? Oh, you dropped your pencil; I'll grab it." - Catherine The Great

Sunday Cipher #44 - The Tetanus Racket

Oh no! You just woke up, and you're manacled to the wall in some dank pit! That's the last time you party with your 11-year-old niece. Bitch is crazy. How are you going to get unchained from the wall?! Speaking of walls, these ones are closing in! And they have rusty spikes on them! And your tetanus vaccination isn't up to date! Wait! There's a message scrawled on the wall! Maybe there is a way out! But it's in code! Can you figure out the message in time!?

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: J equals B.

"YB/ LDKY/ DRFZEYY/ GRZ/ WKAL/ RZ/ EZLKFE/ DBFYE/ BAA/ LDE/ TFBNZX/ SNYL/ YB/ IBN/ GRZ/ ONL/ ORZLY/ BZ/ KL?/ BD,/ IBN/ XFBOOEX/ IBNF/ OEZGKW;/ K'WW/ TFRJ/ KL."/ - GRLDEFKZE/ LDE/ TFERL

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"'You shall not pass!' Yeah, that's what my rectum tried to say to my first black boyfriend." - Sir Ian McKellen

Sunday Cipher #43 - Knight in Shining Fold-Out

Uh oh! Your friend's finacée threw him out of the condo after he called her Tuesday Weld in bed! And now he's staying with you! Also, he's not really like one of your best friends. I mean, he's okay to hang out with, but he's kind of an ass. Like, his name is Steve Knight, but he always wants people to call him "Knight" and he makes really shitty jokes about it. He says stuff like "I was the best Knight of that chick's life" and "You mess with the Knight and you get the lance!". So, it's really best if they can patch things up quickly. Look! Someone just slipped a note under the door and Steve is out playing Ultimate Big Punch Deluxe. Do you read it? Of course! Damn! Steve's fiancée wrote it in her native Eastern European moonspeak. Can you translate it and reunite them in time!?!

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: F equals W.

"'HBP/ ALJTT CBD/ IJAA!'/ HKJL,/ DLJD'A/ FLJD/ XH/ WKQDPX/ DWMKG/ DB/ AJH/ DB/ XH/ NMWAD/ ETJQO/ EBHNWMKCG."/ - AMW/ MJC/ XQOKTTKC

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"I'm glad I was born a brunette. Blondes have always seemed so seasonal to me. " - Harry S Truman

Sunday Cipher #42 - Herman's Permits

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: Z equals I.

"Z'U/ XOFH/ Z/ VFG/ JKNE/ F/ JNSERWWR./ JOKEHRG/ BFLR/ FOVFIG/ GRRURH/ GK/ GRFGKEFO/ WK/ UR."/ - BFNNI/ G/ WNSUFE

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"There is no safe way to open a space suit once you're outside. That means I had to bring some of my poop with me in the lander to leave on the moon." - Alan Shepard

Sunday Cipher #41 - Remember to Call Your Mamba

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: T equals F.

"KAJBJ/ GE/ UZ/ EXTJ/ DXI/ KZ/ ZWJU/ X/ EWXFJ/ ESGK/ ZUFJ/ IZS'BJ/ ZSKEGPJ./ KAXK/ HJXUE/ G/ AXP/ KZ/ OBGUM/ EZHJ/ ZT/ HI/ WZZW/ DGKA/ HJ/ GU/ KAJ/ YXUPJB/ KZ/ YJXCJ/ ZU/ KAJ/ HZZU."/
- XYXU/ EAJWXBP

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"When I write a song, I really try to picture the car or water park that it will end up advertising." - Sheryl Crow

Sunday Cipher #40 - The Crocodile's Coverage

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: N equals G.

"RWYU/ L/ RVLCY/ M/ TZUN,/ L/ VYMKKB/ CVB/ CZ/ ELQCSVY/ CWY/ QMV/ ZV/ RMCYV/ EMVP/ CWMC/ LC/ RLKK/ YUJ/ SE/ MJFYVCLTLUN."/
- TWYVBK/ QVZR

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was using that expired coupon at Arby's" - St. Thomas Aquinas

Sunday Cipher #39 - The Water in Paris is In-Seine

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: K equals W.

"CLN/ MANGCNOC/ CAUJQ/ CLN/ SNFUB/ NFNA/ IRBBNS/ KGO/ ROUDM/ CLGC/ NHIUANS/ JPRIPD/ GC/ GAWV'O"/ - OC./ CLPXGO/ GYRUDGO/

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last month's answer:
"America. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy." - King George III

Sunday Cipher #38 - Longshoremen Drinking Long Islands in Long Island

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: G equals V.

"OBIWHYO./ AFS/ XHKK/ PIGIW/ JHPE/ O/ BFWI/ XWILYZIE/ ZHGI/ FJ/ CYSB/ OPE/ GHKKOHPA."/
- NHPD/ DIFWDI/ HHH

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"If I had my druthers, the last thing I'd see in this world would be my hand smacking that smug look off her face." - Aga Bojaxhiu

Sunday Cipher #37 - The Missing French Toast

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another.

This week's quote is from someone whose name is unknown to me and reads like gibberish even when decoded, so you get two hints. Today's hints: A equals J and K equals X.

"BN/ B/ POL/ UD/ LHEQPTHM,/ QPT/ IOMQ/ QPBFV/ B'L/ MTT/ BF/ QPBM/ RXHIL/ RXEIL/ ZT/ UD/ POFL/ MUOYCBFV/ QPOQ/ MUEV/ IXXC/ XNN/ PTH/ NOYT."/
- OVO/ ZXAOKPBE

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"Courage is licking your fingers after eating a chili dog on the toilet." - Henry David Thoreau

Sunday Cipher #36 - Cannoli of Destiny

After spending another satisfying day ridding a kindergarten's playground of pigeons with your Andy Roddick style super overhead slam shot, treating yourself to a meal at Giuseppe Wong's Hunan Ristorante was just what the doctor ordered. As you finish the last of your tea, the waiter drops your bill and a complimentary fortune cannoli. It's longer than you've ever seen a fortune cannoli, but damned if you don't still try to clear the shell of filling with the traditional single suck. Retrieving the 8 inch long strip of paper from your throat, you lean in to see your fortune. Oh! It's a coded message! Perhaps Esperanza has finally forgiven you and wants to rejoin the resistance's robot sex club! Can you decrypt the fortune!?

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: H equals U.

"MKHDLXC/ NU/ ZNMQNPX/ IKHD/ RNPXCDU/ LRJCD/ CLJNPX/ L/ MENZN/ TKX/ KP/ JEC/ JKNZCJ."/
- ECPDI/ TLFNT/ JEKDCLH

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"Saying you're a gypsy at heart is a great way to avoid saying you're just incredibly irresponsible."- Tenzin Gyatso, The Dalai Lama

Sunday Cipher #35 - The Ouroboros' Turtleneck

The Swarm's staff had the weekend off for Memorial Day, so enjoy the late Cipher!

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: I equals Z.

"DFSMOL/ SRX'GK/ F/ LSADS/ FP/ BKFGP/ MD/ F/ LGKFP/ VFS/ PR/ FERMJ/ DFSMOL/ SRX'GK/ HXDP/ MOUGKJMNYS/ MGGKDARODMNYK."/
- PKOIMO/ LSFPDR,/ PBK/ JFYFM/ YFTF

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"This has been such a hassle. I am going to be so pissed at Carl if I get to Madrid and it's not the best goddamned taco salad I've ever had." - Attila the Hun

Sunday Cipher #34 - The Cannibal's Wristwatch

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: W equals P.

"MDJT/ DKT/ EXXY/ TLPD/ K/ DKTTQX./ J/ KN/ RCJYR/ MC/ EX/ TC/ WJTTXI/ KM/ PKSQ/ JA/ J/ RXM/ MC/ NKISJI/ KYI/ JM'T/ YCM/ MDX/ EXTM/ RCIIKNYXI/ MKPC/ TKQKI/ J'VX/ XVXS/ DKI."/
- KMMJQK/ MDX/ DLY

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"Although the matching names are a coincidence, Gene said I did inspire the neck pinch when he saw me choking my daughter." - Benjamin Spock

Sunday Cipher #33 - Faces of Seth

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: Z equals K.

"QMCLPAXL/ CLT/ VQCGLBDX/ DQVTI/ QWT/ Q/ GPBDGBHTDGT,/ XTDT/ IQBH/ B/ HBH/ BDIYBWT/ CLT/ DTGZ/ YBDGL/ RLTD/ LT/ IQR/ VT/ GLPZBDX/ VF/ HQAXLCTW."/ - ETDOQVBD/ IYPGZ

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"I couldn't quite make out the words over all the screaming, but for a second I thought it was true. I shouted 'Ma, turn up the radio! I think they just made me Pope!'" - John Ratzenberger

Sunday Cipher #32 - Topical Oinkment

Oh no! Your prize sow has a rash, and the third and ultimate portion of the pageant is in two hours! If the talent competition came last there would be nothing to worry about! There's no way Mrs. Skunkpennies' bikini top will cover the rash! But wait! There's one hope! You have your horrible Slavic Grandmother's recipe for her all-purpose balm, and it's written in some awful old-world chicken scratch. Can you figure out the recipe in time!?

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: Y equals I.

"Y/ SVACTM'N/ DAYNX/ PLFX/ VAN/ NBX/ JVWTZ/ VHXW/ LCC/ NBX/ ZSWXLPYMO,/ UAN/ GVW/ L/ ZXSVMT/ Y/ NBVAOBN/ YN/ JLZ/ NWAX./ Y/ ZBVANXT/ 'PL,/ NAWM/ AR/ NBX/ WLTYV!/ Y/ NBYMF/ NBXE/ KAZN/ PLTX/ PX/ RVRX!'"/
- KVBM/ WLNQXMUXWOXW

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"Most people think my breakout role was Michael in 'The Godfather' and forget that I also voiced the talking candy bar in 1962's 'To Kill A Mockingbird'" - Al Pacino

Sunday Cipher #31 - The Haunted Radio Shack

Bert and Joe need your help! They've been investigating the old shack on Catfish Island. They finally found the skeleton key and got the door open! The shack is full of old radio equipment that was probably used by Blackbeard and his men! Bert and Joe found a note on the radio table, but can't make heads or tales of it! Can you decipher the note before the pirates return!?

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. This week there are also some numbers. The numbers have not been swapped with other numbers; "1962" should be part of your final solution.
Today's hint: X equals K.

"ZMHE/ FGMFWG/ ERAQX/ ZT/ SOGJXMNE/ OMWG/ UJH/ ZADRJGW/ AQ/ 'ERG/ IMYCJERGO'/ JQY/ CMOIGE/ ERJE/ A/ JWHM/ PMADGY/ ERG/ EJWXAQI/ DJQYT/ SJO/ AQ/ 1962'H/ 'EM/ XAWW/ J/ ZMDXAQISAOY'"/
- JW/ FJDAQM

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"I find the best way to induce a bladder infection is to pump infected urine directly into the bladder. It's a questionable thing." - Martha Stewart

Sunday Cipher #30 - Eggmageddon II: Eastermath of the Eggpocalypse

The Ladies' Luncheon and Tea went off without a hitch! Especially popular were your tuna salad and ham salad finger sandwiches! Esther carried on for quite some time about the deviled-ham finger sandwiches. Perhaps next year you should add some variety, like cucumber finger sandwiches, or ribs. The only thing left is to respond to Opal's thank you note with one of your own. Oh, no! It's in code! Can you decipher it before your note is boorishly late!?

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: C equals G.

"T/ LTFV/ IQA/ RAWI/ ODM/ IB/ TFVXKA/ D/ RUDVVAY/ TFLAKITBF/ TW/ IB/ HXGH/ TFLAKIAV/ XYTFA/ VTYAKIUM/ TFIB/ IQA/ RUDVVAY./ TI'W/ D/ SXAWITBFDRUA/ IQTFC."/
- GDYIQD/ WIAODYI

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"They call me 'The Wizard of Menlo Park', but I prefer 'Grafalcon the Dark Elf Paladin'." - Thomas Edison

Sunday Cipher #29 - The Toreador's Lament

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: U equals G.

"QVCJ/ WBTT/ IC/ 'QVC/ OREBKX/ FH/ ICATF/ ZBKP',/ DSQ/ R/ ZKCHCK/ 'UKBHBTWFA/ QVC/ XBKP/ CTH/ ZBTBXRA'."/
- QVFIBG/ CXRGFA

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:

"It's no wonder that slavery was so popular for so long. Black goes with everything." - John Galliano

Sunday Cipher #28

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: Y equals L.

"VB'T/ ZX/ JXZMAN/ BGQB/ TYQLAND/ JQT/ TX/ HXHKYQN/ UXN/ TX/ YXZE./ PYQCO/ EXAT/ JVBG/ ALANDBGVZE."/
- IXGZ/ EQYYVQZX

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"I wasn't faking anything. When we met I honestly thought she said her name was 'Allen'" - Anne Heche

Sunday Cipher #27

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: D equals I.

"D/ TCXQ'B/ YCGDQS/ CQOBHDQS./ THPQ/ TP/ UPB/ D/ HWQPXBKO/ BHWRSHB/ XHP/ XCDA/ HPI/ QCUP/ TCX/ 'CKKPQ'"
- CQQP/ HPNHP

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last month's answer:
"Some people talk shit about it, but smoking resin got me through my first two abortions.' - Helen Mirren

Sunday Cipher #26 - The Lake Party

The first lake party of the year is looming large in your mind. It's been since last season that you've seen Gilbert. Perhaps his mother's predilection for Laudanum and humiliating you has waned over the last few months. Oh ho! What's this!? Gilbert's dogsbody just passed a letter to your sister! Upon opening it, you see that not only is it in Gilbert's own sweet hand, but it is in code! It must be important! Can you decipher it before the party!?

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: I equals M.

"YSIN BNSBEN DJEW YLVD JKSTD VD, KTD YISWVRX PNYVR XSD IN DLPSTXL IZ GVPYD DAS JKSPDVSRY." - LNENR IVPPNR

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"It's odd that Abraham got shot at the theater. He was always too busy to see a show. It was usually me in that dark box with a man's gun shoved in the back of my head, if you know what I mean." - Mary Todd Lincoln