Saturday, August 28, 2010

Monótona Jane

Have you ever noticed that tortilla chips don't come in a Grab Bag size? There are no individual servings of tortilla chips available. It's like they are admitting their own invalidity as a stand alone chip. The lack of a single serving bag of them just says "Oh, we aren't very good by ourselves. You wouldn't want just us to go with your sandwich." Even the crazy Tostitos Hint of Lime don't come in a small bag. Sure, there are infinite varieties of Doritos and the like, but that's a different thing. Hint of Lime is a flavoring on the tortilla chip; a Dorito is a flavored chip that happens to be made from a corn tortilla (not really I know, but that's supposed to be the idea).

Dorito pups in the wild

I don't recall ever seeing a Grab Bag of tortilla chips. I would think that some time in the last 25 years I would have seen at least a test marketing of personal sized tortilla chips. But no, they never tried. They didn't have the chutzpah to try their luck in the go go world of snack foods and entree accessories. It seems a little odd, because everybody loves nachos. Everybody loves Mexican food. The humble tortilla chip is integral to all sorts of appetizers, snacks, and party foods. As soon as you invite salsa or melted cheese or bean dip or even jalapenos into the mess you've got a party, but the tortilla chip by itself just wants to stay home and sulk. "What's that? You guys are gonna go get drunk in the park? No, that's o.k., I'll just stay here. You guys have fun with Sun Chips Harvest Cheddar," the tortilla chip seems to say. Maybe if they made tortilla chips extreme. Like if they were shaped like interlocking tori. But no, that would compromise the honest, humble integrity of the tortilla chip. Blue corn? That was kind of exciting.
This was what it looked like when
the Lawnmower Man beat off.

Come on, tortilla chip! Grow some balls and get in that little bag! Squeeze in next to Fritos Chili Cheese chips on that little wire shelf next to the register at 7-11! Give 'em hell, boys!

It's also possible I just missed the whole thing. Do they come in individual sized bags? I wouldn't buy them; I'm just sayin'.

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