The Swarm's staff had the weekend off for Memorial Day, so enjoy the late Cipher!
Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: I equals Z.
"DFSMOL/ SRX'GK/ F/ LSADS/ FP/ BKFGP/ MD/ F/ LGKFP/ VFS/ PR/ FERMJ/ DFSMOL/ SRX'GK/ HXDP/ MOUGKJMNYS/ MGGKDARODMNYK."/
- PKOIMO/ LSFPDR,/ PBK/ JFYFM/ YFTF
The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.
Last week's answer:
"This has been such a hassle. I am going to be so pissed at Carl if I get to Madrid and it's not the best goddamned taco salad I've ever had." - Attila the Hun
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Zomething Ztupid
If I were Tyler Durden, tonight's fight club meeting would end something like this:
"This week, each of you has a homework assignment. You're going to go out and start a conversation with a total stranger. You're going to start a conversation, and you're going to lose. You will lose, because the entire time, you'll be talking like the Zima Guy."
It wouldn't be a very good club.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Sunday Cipher #34 - The Cannibal's Wristwatch
Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: W equals P.
"MDJT/ DKT/ EXXY/ TLPD/ K/ DKTTQX./ J/ KN/ RCJYR/ MC/ EX/ TC/ WJTTXI/ KM/ PKSQ/ JA/ J/ RXM/ MC/ NKISJI/ KYI/ JM'T/ YCM/ MDX/ EXTM/ RCIIKNYXI/ MKPC/ TKQKI/ J'VX/ XVXS/ DKI."/
- KMMJQK/ MDX/ DLY
The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.
Last week's answer:
"Although the matching names are a coincidence, Gene said I did inspire the neck pinch when he saw me choking my daughter." - Benjamin Spock
"MDJT/ DKT/ EXXY/ TLPD/ K/ DKTTQX./ J/ KN/ RCJYR/ MC/ EX/ TC/ WJTTXI/ KM/ PKSQ/ JA/ J/ RXM/ MC/ NKISJI/ KYI/ JM'T/ YCM/ MDX/ EXTM/ RCIIKNYXI/ MKPC/ TKQKI/ J'VX/ XVXS/ DKI."/
- KMMJQK/ MDX/ DLY
The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.
Last week's answer:
"Although the matching names are a coincidence, Gene said I did inspire the neck pinch when he saw me choking my daughter." - Benjamin Spock
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Fun Fact #8
In the late 19th century, Mikael Pederson developed one of the first tandem bicycles. His bicycle differed from other tandems mostly in intent. Pederson was a vocal believer in centaurs, and thought that when they finally revealed themselves to humanity they might like bikes.
"Aw, man. I'm baked and I'm totally gonna be late for
work, and my Domino's shirt is still wet from
the wash, and I had to stuff it in my satchel...
Jesse's gonna chew my ass. I wish I had a bike."
"Aw, man. I'm baked and I'm totally gonna be late forwork, and my Domino's shirt is still wet from
the wash, and I had to stuff it in my satchel...
Jesse's gonna chew my ass. I wish I had a bike."
Sorry about the picture. Centaurs may not be real, but I think I'd rather they existed than this monster.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
How to Make an American Moustache
Well then.
It's time for another fun and exciting craft project at The Swarm!
If you missed last year's Easter Project, there's still plenty of time to catch up here.
All caught up? Great! Let's get into today's craft.
For this project, you will need basic crafting supplies and also a moustache. If you don't have a moustache, grow one! If you can't grow one, consider getting a hairier boyfriend or a sex change; it's probably worth it.
This project is only seven steps and includes lots of pictures!
Somehow, I forgot to get a "before" picture of myself.
Instead, here's a picture of me at two years old, with Vincent Price's moustache added. It's basically the same thing.
This project is mostly about removing an entire moustache from a person's face in one piece. You will need to keep all the facial hair together while removing it. Lucky for you I did lots of research so you don't have to!
I thought at first that maybe tape would work, but doubted my ability to remove the hair from the tape afterward and still keep it in some sort of recognizable shape. Glue really seemed like the only other option. There are so many glues on the market, and at least a few that are non-toxic. Only one glue seemed like a good match for this project.
Classic Elmer's Glue-All fit all the needs I had. It's non-toxic, water-soluble, has good flexibility when it's dry but not set, and dries clear.
1. So, step one. Fill your moustache with Elmer's Glue-All Glue. You want pretty complete coverage. Go a bit beyond the edges of the actual moustache.
Here's a close-up:
Easy enough! On to step two!
2. I guess step two is actually just sitting and letting the glue dry for a while. It's going to take several hours, depending on how much glue you put in. It will almost certainly drip on you or your clothes while it is drying.
The parts with the most glue in them may not dry for days, so just wait until it's pretty well set-up and has formed enough of a shell that it will hold all the hairs together while you remove the moustache. It should look something like this:
Research for step three:
I had a full beard at the start of this project. The moustache was all I wanted to keep(by keep I don't mean on my face, I mean the only part I didn't plan on rinsing down the drain). So before I filled my moustache with glue, I did some experimenting with my beard. I think there might be a joke somewhere in here about experimenting/having a beard/moustache full of white glue. Feel free to joke, but I'm not ashamed of what I did in when I was young. Crazy shit happens when you go to community college.
So to see the best way to remove the hair from my face in one piece, I filled a couple patches of my beard with glue and tried to cut them off.
I tried a beard trimmer, a single-edged craft-type razor blade, a double-edged razor blade, and ICE brand tempered stainless steel scissors. I was trying to cut behind the glue. I figured that way the glue would hold all the hair together, and still leave stubble exposed on the backside that I could work with. The beard trimmer was pretty well useless at any angle. The razor blades both seemed to have promise, but I'm pretty sure that using an unfettered blade at an odd angle in a space I could barely see might be bad. I think that if you could somehow get a helper to cut off your facial hair the razor blade may be the best option. But for me, the scissors were the only answer.
3. Cut off your moustache.
The method is pretty simple. Since my moustache had "tails" at the corners of my mouth, I used them as handles. Basically you should just pull outward on an edge of the moustache until the hair and glue pull out far enough that you can get behind them. Feel free to scrape up a corner of the glue from your skin before pulling. That should make it a little easier.
Once you have it started, just carefully snip the hairs that are exposed and pulled taut at the edge of the 'stache. It's kind of like cutting a clothing seam open. Go slow. It's going to take time, and it's going to hurt. I am confident that this whole step would be easier and faster if one person held the moustache taut while the other person sliced the "seam" with a razor blade.
This part was reminiscent of the film Moustache/Off:
And here is the moustache after removal:
And the back:
More Research:
Next, we need to secure the moustache to another surface, so that we can remove the Elmer's. Part of my beard experiment was figuring out how to do this. I figured a clear, water-proof glue would be best, with a clear backing of some sort. For the back I settled on a piece of thin clear plastic packaging. The two glues I tried were standard super glue and quick set epoxy. The epoxy gave the best looking finish. The super glue seemed to bond with some of the Elmer's, leaving white hazy spots. The problem with the epoxy is the time it takes to adhere. It remains liquid much longer than the super glue. My removed moustache had an irregular curving shape to it. While it was pliable and somewhat flexible, I hesitated to just press it in a book with wet glue, and didn't want to try to clamp it in multiple places to ensure glue contact while it set. I went with the super glue.
Here are the tests:
Epoxy
Super Glue
4.Glue your moustache to some plastic. Put a piece of masking tape over each "tail" of the 'stache to protect it from glue. Coat the back of the moustache(the stubble mostly) with super glue, firmly press the plastic against it and hold it for a minute or two.
It might look something like this:
It's not super obvious here, but
all the Elmer's is still in it.
The picture is a bit dark, but here it is thoroughly rinsed:
It looked pretty good at this point other than one aspect. As mentioned earlier, the super glue left some obvious white areas behind the moustache. I think it was still damp when this photo was taken, which is probably why it doesn't show. Depending on the color of your facial hair and your choice of glues you may not have a problem with this. Since I did have a problem, I tried to fix it.
5b(optional).Toss your moustache in a bowl of coffee for a few days. This helped to darken the remaining Elmer's that had bonded with the super glue.
Unfortunately, it didn't do the job quite as well as I hoped.
5c(optional). Put your moustache in a bowl of water with a little bit of Rit Dye.
I couldn't find brown, so I used black. A few drops(or blobs, as it were) was plenty. It only took a few minutes in the dye to get the white spots darker, and I didn't want to dye the hair by accident. After all, this thing is supposed to look natural. Rinse all dye from the hair.
6. Next, trim away all the excess plastic from around the outside.
Here's mine all trimmed up:
Almost Done!
7. Lastly, glue your facial hair to a stick, wand, pole, staff, breadstick, straw, or piece of uncooked pasta. I added some rainbow colored yarn to make mine more whimsical!
The picture sucks, but here's mine on my coffee table:
And just like that, you're done!
Let's test it out to make sure it works!
It works!
See the Facebook page for my moustache! It has pictures of many fine people looking quite dapper while wearing my moustache! The page is a little bare at the moment, but there are many photos coming in the next couple days!
It's time for another fun and exciting craft project at The Swarm!
If you missed last year's Easter Project, there's still plenty of time to catch up here.
All caught up? Great! Let's get into today's craft.
For this project, you will need basic crafting supplies and also a moustache. If you don't have a moustache, grow one! If you can't grow one, consider getting a hairier boyfriend or a sex change; it's probably worth it.
This project is only seven steps and includes lots of pictures!Somehow, I forgot to get a "before" picture of myself.
Instead, here's a picture of me at two years old, with Vincent Price's moustache added. It's basically the same thing.
This project is mostly about removing an entire moustache from a person's face in one piece. You will need to keep all the facial hair together while removing it. Lucky for you I did lots of research so you don't have to!I thought at first that maybe tape would work, but doubted my ability to remove the hair from the tape afterward and still keep it in some sort of recognizable shape. Glue really seemed like the only other option. There are so many glues on the market, and at least a few that are non-toxic. Only one glue seemed like a good match for this project.
Classic Elmer's Glue-All fit all the needs I had. It's non-toxic, water-soluble, has good flexibility when it's dry but not set, and dries clear.
1. So, step one. Fill your moustache with Elmer's Glue-All Glue. You want pretty complete coverage. Go a bit beyond the edges of the actual moustache.
Here's a close-up:
Easy enough! On to step two!
2. I guess step two is actually just sitting and letting the glue dry for a while. It's going to take several hours, depending on how much glue you put in. It will almost certainly drip on you or your clothes while it is drying.
The parts with the most glue in them may not dry for days, so just wait until it's pretty well set-up and has formed enough of a shell that it will hold all the hairs together while you remove the moustache. It should look something like this:
Research for step three:
I had a full beard at the start of this project. The moustache was all I wanted to keep(by keep I don't mean on my face, I mean the only part I didn't plan on rinsing down the drain). So before I filled my moustache with glue, I did some experimenting with my beard. I think there might be a joke somewhere in here about experimenting/having a beard/moustache full of white glue. Feel free to joke, but I'm not ashamed of what I did in when I was young. Crazy shit happens when you go to community college.
So to see the best way to remove the hair from my face in one piece, I filled a couple patches of my beard with glue and tried to cut them off.
I tried a beard trimmer, a single-edged craft-type razor blade, a double-edged razor blade, and ICE brand tempered stainless steel scissors. I was trying to cut behind the glue. I figured that way the glue would hold all the hair together, and still leave stubble exposed on the backside that I could work with. The beard trimmer was pretty well useless at any angle. The razor blades both seemed to have promise, but I'm pretty sure that using an unfettered blade at an odd angle in a space I could barely see might be bad. I think that if you could somehow get a helper to cut off your facial hair the razor blade may be the best option. But for me, the scissors were the only answer.3. Cut off your moustache.
The method is pretty simple. Since my moustache had "tails" at the corners of my mouth, I used them as handles. Basically you should just pull outward on an edge of the moustache until the hair and glue pull out far enough that you can get behind them. Feel free to scrape up a corner of the glue from your skin before pulling. That should make it a little easier.
Once you have it started, just carefully snip the hairs that are exposed and pulled taut at the edge of the 'stache. It's kind of like cutting a clothing seam open. Go slow. It's going to take time, and it's going to hurt. I am confident that this whole step would be easier and faster if one person held the moustache taut while the other person sliced the "seam" with a razor blade.
This part was reminiscent of the film Moustache/Off:
And here is the moustache after removal:
And the back:
More Research:
Next, we need to secure the moustache to another surface, so that we can remove the Elmer's. Part of my beard experiment was figuring out how to do this. I figured a clear, water-proof glue would be best, with a clear backing of some sort. For the back I settled on a piece of thin clear plastic packaging. The two glues I tried were standard super glue and quick set epoxy. The epoxy gave the best looking finish. The super glue seemed to bond with some of the Elmer's, leaving white hazy spots. The problem with the epoxy is the time it takes to adhere. It remains liquid much longer than the super glue. My removed moustache had an irregular curving shape to it. While it was pliable and somewhat flexible, I hesitated to just press it in a book with wet glue, and didn't want to try to clamp it in multiple places to ensure glue contact while it set. I went with the super glue.
Here are the tests:
Epoxy
Super Glue4.Glue your moustache to some plastic. Put a piece of masking tape over each "tail" of the 'stache to protect it from glue. Coat the back of the moustache(the stubble mostly) with super glue, firmly press the plastic against it and hold it for a minute or two.
It might look something like this:
It's not super obvious here, butall the Elmer's is still in it.
5.Now you need to remove the Elmer's glue. After the super glue is set, toss your moustache into a bowl of water for a few days.
Every once in a while massage some of the glue out. Elmer's has always been water soluble, but I wonder if the "new stronger" formula is quite as soluble as the former version. While all the glue did eventually come out, it took a long time to all soften. It also left sediment in the bowl rather than just mixing with the water.
Every once in a while massage some of the glue out. Elmer's has always been water soluble, but I wonder if the "new stronger" formula is quite as soluble as the former version. While all the glue did eventually come out, it took a long time to all soften. It also left sediment in the bowl rather than just mixing with the water.
The picture is a bit dark, but here it is thoroughly rinsed:
It looked pretty good at this point other than one aspect. As mentioned earlier, the super glue left some obvious white areas behind the moustache. I think it was still damp when this photo was taken, which is probably why it doesn't show. Depending on the color of your facial hair and your choice of glues you may not have a problem with this. Since I did have a problem, I tried to fix it.
5b(optional).Toss your moustache in a bowl of coffee for a few days. This helped to darken the remaining Elmer's that had bonded with the super glue.
Unfortunately, it didn't do the job quite as well as I hoped.
5c(optional). Put your moustache in a bowl of water with a little bit of Rit Dye.
I couldn't find brown, so I used black. A few drops(or blobs, as it were) was plenty. It only took a few minutes in the dye to get the white spots darker, and I didn't want to dye the hair by accident. After all, this thing is supposed to look natural. Rinse all dye from the hair.
6. Next, trim away all the excess plastic from around the outside.
Here's mine all trimmed up:
Almost Done!
7. Lastly, glue your facial hair to a stick, wand, pole, staff, breadstick, straw, or piece of uncooked pasta. I added some rainbow colored yarn to make mine more whimsical!
The picture sucks, but here's mine on my coffee table:
And just like that, you're done!
Let's test it out to make sure it works!
It works!See the Facebook page for my moustache! It has pictures of many fine people looking quite dapper while wearing my moustache! The page is a little bare at the moment, but there are many photos coming in the next couple days!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Sunday Cipher #33 - Faces of Seth
Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: Z equals K.
"QMCLPAXL/ CLT/ VQCGLBDX/ DQVTI/ QWT/ Q/ GPBDGBHTDGT,/ XTDT/ IQBH/ B/ HBH/ BDIYBWT/ CLT/ DTGZ/ YBDGL/ RLTD/ LT/ IQR/ VT/ GLPZBDX/ VF/ HQAXLCTW."/ - ETDOQVBD/ IYPGZ
The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.
Last week's answer:
"I couldn't quite make out the words over all the screaming, but for a second I thought it was true. I shouted 'Ma, turn up the radio! I think they just made me Pope!'" - John Ratzenberger
"QMCLPAXL/ CLT/ VQCGLBDX/ DQVTI/ QWT/ Q/ GPBDGBHTDGT,/ XTDT/ IQBH/ B/ HBH/ BDIYBWT/ CLT/ DTGZ/ YBDGL/ RLTD/ LT/ IQR/ VT/ GLPZBDX/ VF/ HQAXLCTW."/ - ETDOQVBD/ IYPGZ
The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.
Last week's answer:
"I couldn't quite make out the words over all the screaming, but for a second I thought it was true. I shouted 'Ma, turn up the radio! I think they just made me Pope!'" - John Ratzenberger
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Sunday Cipher #32 - Topical Oinkment
Oh no! Your prize sow has a rash, and the third and ultimate portion of the pageant is in two hours! If the talent competition came last there would be nothing to worry about! There's no way Mrs. Skunkpennies' bikini top will cover the rash! But wait! There's one hope! You have your horrible Slavic Grandmother's recipe for her all-purpose balm, and it's written in some awful old-world chicken scratch. Can you figure out the recipe in time!?
Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: Y equals I.
"Y/ SVACTM'N/ DAYNX/ PLFX/ VAN/ NBX/ JVWTZ/ VHXW/ LCC/ NBX/ ZSWXLPYMO,/ UAN/ GVW/ L/ ZXSVMT/ Y/ NBVAOBN/ YN/ JLZ/ NWAX./ Y/ ZBVANXT/ 'PL,/ NAWM/ AR/ NBX/ WLTYV!/ Y/ NBYMF/ NBXE/ KAZN/ PLTX/ PX/ RVRX!'"/
- KVBM/ WLNQXMUXWOXW
The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.
Last week's answer:
"Most people think my breakout role was Michael in 'The Godfather' and forget that I also voiced the talking candy bar in 1962's 'To Kill A Mockingbird'" - Al Pacino
Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: Y equals I.
"Y/ SVACTM'N/ DAYNX/ PLFX/ VAN/ NBX/ JVWTZ/ VHXW/ LCC/ NBX/ ZSWXLPYMO,/ UAN/ GVW/ L/ ZXSVMT/ Y/ NBVAOBN/ YN/ JLZ/ NWAX./ Y/ ZBVANXT/ 'PL,/ NAWM/ AR/ NBX/ WLTYV!/ Y/ NBYMF/ NBXE/ KAZN/ PLTX/ PX/ RVRX!'"/
- KVBM/ WLNQXMUXWOXW
The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.
Last week's answer:
"Most people think my breakout role was Michael in 'The Godfather' and forget that I also voiced the talking candy bar in 1962's 'To Kill A Mockingbird'" - Al Pacino
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Sunday Cipher #31 - The Haunted Radio Shack
Bert and Joe need your help! They've been investigating the old shack on Catfish Island. They finally found the skeleton key and got the door open! The shack is full of old radio equipment that was probably used by Blackbeard and his men! Bert and Joe found a note on the radio table, but can't make heads or tales of it! Can you decipher the note before the pirates return!?
Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. This week there are also some numbers. The numbers have not been swapped with other numbers; "1962" should be part of your final solution.
Today's hint: X equals K.
"ZMHE/ FGMFWG/ ERAQX/ ZT/ SOGJXMNE/ OMWG/ UJH/ ZADRJGW/ AQ/ 'ERG/ IMYCJERGO'/ JQY/ CMOIGE/ ERJE/ A/ JWHM/ PMADGY/ ERG/ EJWXAQI/ DJQYT/ SJO/ AQ/ 1962'H/ 'EM/ XAWW/ J/ ZMDXAQISAOY'"/
- JW/ FJDAQM
The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.
Last week's answer:
"I find the best way to induce a bladder infection is to pump infected urine directly into the bladder. It's a questionable thing." - Martha Stewart
Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. This week there are also some numbers. The numbers have not been swapped with other numbers; "1962" should be part of your final solution.
Today's hint: X equals K.
"ZMHE/ FGMFWG/ ERAQX/ ZT/ SOGJXMNE/ OMWG/ UJH/ ZADRJGW/ AQ/ 'ERG/ IMYCJERGO'/ JQY/ CMOIGE/ ERJE/ A/ JWHM/ PMADGY/ ERG/ EJWXAQI/ DJQYT/ SJO/ AQ/ 1962'H/ 'EM/ XAWW/ J/ ZMDXAQISAOY'"/
- JW/ FJDAQM
The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.
Last week's answer:
"I find the best way to induce a bladder infection is to pump infected urine directly into the bladder. It's a questionable thing." - Martha Stewart
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