You'd Be Grouchy Too

Here are some things I think might be inside Oscar The Grouch's trashcan.

• Soup
  

• Garbage
• The Lindbergh Baby's Body
• Fancy Mixed Nuts
  

• The Lindbergh baby, but now he's grown and just happens to work at Sesame Street. He's been there for like 30 years. It's taken him a long time to get promoted to Oscar operator, because it's a highly desired spot, and Sesame Street is union. He was the key grip for quite a while. Frequently during shooting he could be seen standing off stage mimicking Oscar's movements with his own arms.
• Kim Jong-il
  

• Stars
  

My God, he's full of stars!

• A smaller Oscar The Grouch
• Big Bird
• Octopodes
  

• A... plunger?

What could be in here?

A Dalek!

• ICP. Not that I really think Violent J is in there, but it seems right that ICP would be huge Sesame Street fans and this would be a dream come true. Violent J: "Man, Sesame Street is off the hook! I love that shit! Big Bird all up in there. Gordon was always teaching kids and junk. They taught the shit outta some kids, dawg! They just gotta say the word and we'll drive the dark carnival all down Sesame Street and set up tents and shit."
  
  Shaggy 2 Dope: "After I found out all them puppets and shit wasn't real, I cried for like two weeks. I bawled my eyes out, and I ain't even playin'. After I got my shit all calmed down I wanted to do that, man. Like, I wanted to be Oscar The Grouch all teachin' kids and shit. I ain't never got to be a Fraggle or nothin', but we still helping kids in our own way. 'Cause, y'know, our music has words and shit, so like kids cold probably learn to read from it.
  
• A horrible centipede spine that's wearing clown shoes
  

• His own tentacle body. By the way, don't ever do a Google image search for "tentacle" without the safe search on. In fact, just never look for pictures of tentacles on the internet.
  

• Elian Gonzalez
• A bacta tank with Luke Skywalker inside
  

• Maybe this guy
  

Oscar Fun Fact: Oscar the Grouch (the monster, not the puppet) is actually orange, not green. In Oscar's first appearances he was clearly orange, but in 1970 took on his more familiar green color. He has stated that it is the result of a vacation to Swamp Mushy Muddy. The green is primarily moss and algae. He once bathed and became orange again. He quickly returned to the swamp and restored his green hue.

Learn more: http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Oscar_the_Grouch

So what's really inside Oscar's can? Much like a hermit crab, Oscar uses the can as a sort of exoskeleton. Let's peek inside

Just meat

Lastly, I stumbled upon this image while searching for pictures to use in this piece:

I wish I could say I made this picture, but alas I did not. Here's where it came from:
http://teaching.zachwhalen.net/comics/content/crab-nicholson-image-gives-form-idea

Next time: We interview the five cats and a badger that brought ALF to life!

Sunday Cipher #14 - The Babysitter's Trance

After her third bottle of OE and OJ, your babysitter just lapsed into a magical trance. The legendary Brass Monkey has taken over her motions! She's speaking in the arcane and sexy language of the Brass Monkey, but you've managed to transcribe some of her words! Can you crack the code and learn the monkey's secret before she shits herself!??

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: H equals E.

"IXS/ ISEDW'FH/ MXSEQXM/ MXBM/ QSALQ/ MS/ B/ UBLTV/ WJHGG/ RBJMV/ AL/ BL HDHTMJAT/ IXHHDTXBAJ/ UJSO/ MXH/ MJBGX/ TSEDW/ GLSIZBDD/ DAPH/ MXAG?/ A/ OHBL,/ TXJAGM,/ A/ QJBWEBMHW/ UJSO/ TEDALBJV/ GTXSSD."/
- GMHRXHL/ XBIPALQ


The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"Sure Rosie and I are both famous lesbians. But you know what the difference is between me and Rosie O'Donnell? P***y's not scared of me." - Ellen Degeneres

Sunday Cipher #13 - The State Fair State of Affairs

It's the last night of the State Fair. The animals have been judged, the midway is closing up, and the light sprinkle of rain is melting your cotton candy afro. Can you make it to the Ferris wheel in time to propose to your sweetheart!??

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: W equals L.

"ZMFI/ FPZJI/ RUO/ J /RFI/ QPDS /HRLPMZ/ WIZQJRUZ./ QMD/ EPM /BUPX/ XSRD/ DSI OJHHIFIUYI /JZ/ QIDXIIU/ LI/ RUO/ FPZJI/ P'OPUUIWW? / AMZZE'Z/ UPD/ ZYRFIO /PH/ LI."/
- IWWIU/ OICIUIFIZ

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"We actually named the band after a nun at my Catholic grade school that had severe osteoporosis." - Dee Snider

Sunday Cipher #12 - The Clockwork Boy's Final Test

The Clockwork Boy has proven his compassion, honesty, and valor. Now the final test stands between him and his metal heart's greatest desire. Can Rusty finish grooming all three Standard Poodles and giving them paw-dicures before the big show!??

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: S equals N.

"RK/ GNHOGQQT/ SGYKF/ HXK/ MGSF/ GWHKZ/ G/ SOS/ GH/ YT/ NGHXJQPN/ DZGFK/ CNXJJQ/ HXGH/ XGF/ CKBKZK/ JCHKJLJZJCPC."/
- FKK/ CSPFKZ

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"I've never been a blackout drunk. I'm more of a black and blue drunk. Like, you'll end up black and blue if you fuck with me." - Anne Frank

Gift of the Walleye

Here's a pretty useless pun.

Myrrh man.

Example: "That guy's really in to myrrh. He's a total myrrh-man."

I'm having a hard time imagining when this play on words might come into play. It's not often that both fish men and fragrant resin are being discussed. Perhaps with the Christmas season coming a person could casually bring up the Magi, steer the conversation toward their gifts, and feign confusion. Still, myrrh man is going to be tough to work in there.

The Bible doesn't mention it, but one of them
was a fireman. Also, his lower half may
have been shrimp tempura.

I would really like it if either of you that read this would try to use this pun and then tell me about it.

Fun Fact #3

Gwyneth Paltrow did not originally audition for the part of Pepper Potts in the Iron Man films. She tried out for the lead role of Tony Stark. In the end, the producers said that they felt Tony Stark should remain a handsome playboy, rather than an insufferable bitch.

Tony Shark again

Sunday Cipher #11 - Turn of The Screw

Oh no! It turns out that the spiral staircase in St. George's Cathedral was the "Giant's Screw" that the old Gypsy woman's rhyme alluded to! And now it's screwing into the reactor core! Can you solve the puzzle in time!??

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: U equals B.

"E'FQ/ GQFQI/ UQQG/ W/ UPWXONJR/ BIJGO./ E'T/ TNIQ/ NC/ W/ UPWXO/ WGB/ UPJQ/ BIJGO./ PEOQ,/ ZNJ'PP/ QGB/ JM/ UPWXO/ WGB/ UPJQ/ EC /ZNJ/ CJXO/ HERK/ TQ."
- WGGQ /CIWGO


The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"I don't dress up for Halloween. I already wear this mask all the time so America doesn't see the face of Satan staring out of their televisions every night." - Walter Cronkite

Sunday Cipher #10 - The Forgetful Ghost

Can you solve the puzzle before the forgetful ghost opens the cabinet of horrors? Oh, wait, that was supposed to be a couple days ago? Oh, I guess it must've slipped his mind. Well, he's here now, so... do you still want to do this? If not, that's cool.

Below is a quote from a famous person encoded with a substitution cipher. Each letter has been swapped for another. Today's hint: I equals L.

"F /UEN'M/ UPSBB/ WL/ DEP/ QRIIEXSSN./ F/ RIPSRUT/ XSRP/ MQFB/ ARBV/ RII/ MQS/ MFAS/ BE/ RASPFOR/ UESBN'M/ BSS/ MQS/ DROS/ ED/ BRMRN/ BMRPFNG/ EWM/ ED/ MQSFP/ MSISZFBFENB/ SZSPT/ NFGQM."
- XRIMSP OPENVFMS

The first person to e-mail me the correct answer at imillermoth@gmail.com wins a prize! If you would like your prize sent to you, include a mailing address with your answer.

Last week's answer:
"I drew Peanuts because Charlie Brown is the only kid I could imagine with a worse life than my own. The fact that he didn't hang himself every day, when by all rights he should have, kept me going." - Charles Schulz