Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Pulling a Mussel

I really just don't get this ad. I mean, I get all the constituent parts; I simply don't get the ad as a whole. Or maybe I just hate it.

There's a lot I do get about this ad:
I can easily find the name of the restaurant. I see the location. I see the phone number, the website, days it is open, and also the hours for brunch. If I look at the disgusting drawing, I can even tell that there may be some sort of special on mussels and fries. This is where things start to get a little iffy. There is no price for their special, so it may not even be a good deal, but it's available.

There is a lot about this ad I understand, but so, so much more I don't get. What exactly is the Mussel special? I assume that this is an ad for a dinner special. You don't generally see The Burger King just shouting "4 ounce Burger! Several sizes of fries!" so I assume there is some sort of special pricing for 2 Pound Mussels that possibly come with unlimited fries.

Now that I think about it though, the Burger King thing doesn't work as an analogy because I doubt (and really hope) that these degenerates aren't the Le Central mascots. I guess a better comparison would be if Pizza Hut had a crappy drawing of a gay couple bare-backing in a bathroom stall and shouting "3 Pound pizza! Also wings."

You can't tell, but these guys met like 20 minutes ago
and that guy is totally not wearing a condom

Those are some huge-ass mussels, too. 2 pound mussels must be expensive. Maybe the pricing changes constantly with the market. Many seafoods are at "market price" and change daily. Perhaps they should have mentioned that in the ad.

That disgusting drawing is the biggest problem. I mean, Jesus, why is that thing there? It's awful. I realize French cuisine is supposed to be sensual and people are always making some vulgar comparison between bivalves and vulvae, but just a crude drawing of people doin' it? Are these people actually shouting "2 Pound Mussels! Unlimited Fries [No exclamation point. evidently they were mostly pumped about the mussels and then calmed down and just sort of said blandly 'Unlimited Fries']" during intercourse? Were they discussing dinner mid-coitus and that bargain just made them shout? Were they starting to climax and instead of stopping the talk about where to get a good deal on seafood they just yelled it? And are they toasting with wine while this is going on? What are they toasting? The savings? God, it's distasteful. There's all that sweat flying off of them... and she's still clothed...

And what the hell are they lying on? I really can't tell. It looks very thin, like they're precariously balanced on this pile of rolled-up striped blankets that's about 18 inches wide.It kind of looks like they're doing it on the top of a sofa back. Like carpet cleaners just finished and they're stuck on the couch for an hour while it dries. They were stranded on the couch like kids playing the carpet-is-lava game and saw another, wholly different ad for Le Central's Mussels and Fries deal (that presumably included the price) and had to fuck immediately. I don't know why they didn't use the main part of the couch. Maybe there's a bunch of magazines all over it and they don't want them to stick to their obviously dewy flesh. It would leave those weird reverse image ink marks all over their backs. And what the hell is that behind his pillow?

It's clearly made of his flesh. It's so meaty i want it to be part of his lower body, like a third gross thigh something, but that makes it even worse because that means it's really loooong.

And what's wrong with their teeth? Have they been eating the mussels shell-on? I'm pretty sure people who have teeth like that and fuck on couch backs don't go out for fancy French cuisine. They refill their tiny wine glasses from the jug of Carlo Rossi on the floor and then go fuck in the cluttered laundry room while a filthy dog barks at them through the back door. And they love that shit.

I'm still really bothered by that flesh-roll behind his head.

And seriously, why are they advertising a nebulous dinner special with this horrible drawing of people screwing? I'm really not happy about this whole thing.


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