Thursday, April 28, 2011

Butter Battle Bachelorhood

I bought a butter dish. it's only been about a week, but we're having trouble.
I'm a soft butter kind of man. I don't get people that leave the butter in the fridge all the time. I need butter to be ready for deployment at a moment's notice. I don't have time to let the butter soften for each use, and my concerns about the butter going rancid are nonexistent.

When I'm done with the butter, I usually leave the butter knife resting on the edge of the dish. I've done this for years. I have always just used a small plate or saucer as a butter dish, and I don't feel the need to wash a knife every time I use butter. Now I own a butter dish. It says "Butter" on the side.

Inside: three newborn hamsters, still
hairless and all covered in butter.

This is all fine so far, and since I'm a lonely man who lives alone, my preferences always win. The problem is the lid. If I leave the knife resting on the dish and replace the cover, it gets butter all over the side and bottom of the lid, and that butter migrates all over the damn place and then there's butter all over the top of the refrigerator(counter space is limited in my apartment). This could eventually lead to a completely buttered fridge top. Then there are the fears of a 22-year-old Isaac resurfacing one night when I've had too much to drink, seeing the dish empty, and buttering a piece of bread by rubbing it all over the top of the fridge. I don't want that. No one wants that.

Maybe the fact that I don't want to wash the butter knife after each use means I'm not ready to have a butter dish.

1 comment:

  1. My man, what you need is called a butter bell.