Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Pillow Fight

God damn it, people who name products. Shouldn't this be easy?

I needed some sort of stuffing for part of my Hallowe'en costume. I thought that using the filling from an inexpensive pillow might be cheaper than buying actual pillow stuffing. I went to Walmart and headed to their bedding section. Most of the pillows were in the $6 and up range. I didn't really want to spend that much. They also had an endcap featuring a product for only $2.50. I did like three investigative walk-bys and stuck my hand inside the plastic before deciding they were, in fact, pillows.

I mean, what the hell is this?

Yes, you can look at that and say "well clearly that's a pillow". But it could be something else. I don't know, it might be a neatly folded mattress pad, or some sort of bed accessory that I'm totally unfamiliar with. But really that name threw me off. "Deep Pockets"? You know how many pockets this pillow has? Exactly zero. Not a single pocket of any depth. Why the hell did they call a pillow, something that as far as I know never has pockets, Deep Pockets? Sheet sets, mattress pads, mattress covers, and all sorts of other shit that I don't know about has "pockets" at the corners to accommodate a mattress. Why would there be a pocket in a pillow? Even if there was one, the pillow goes inside a pillow case, and the pocket would be useless. What would I keep in there? Perhaps a throat lozenge? Maybe a pre-written thank-you note, a mint, and an RU-486.

Further agitating me, the packaging does not have the word "pillow" anywhere on it. Nowhere. It tells me all about what the filling is made from, that I can machine wash it, and that the bag is dangerous, but it never bothers to mention that it's a pillow.

Even this refrigerator box in this picture I found of some chick in a refrigerator box says "Refrigerator" right on it, and those boxes pretty much always have a refrigerator in them(or the occasional chick). In fact, any box about this size and shape is usually called a refrigerator box. But the refrigerator people still have the courtesy to let you know, just in case.

The bag did let me know that whatever was inside was indeed "Standard".

The sign for the end cap was no help either. It just had the Walmart logo and the price. No description at all.

I suppose maybe "Deep Pockets" is meant to imply wealth and luxury. As if someone might sleep on this pillow and think "Wow! The guy that bought this pillow must have some pretty deep pockets to afford such a fine head cushion! This is nice!"

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